Todd Stadler's blog

[untitled #404]

The encroachment at Timber Press continues. I have now scavenged the parts to form a hanging file folder system. This is less exciting of itself than the fact that my desk is now less covered in paper. I also have a pen holder. In short, I am more organized. And a more organized person is harder to get rid of, right? Right? Well, if not, at least I'm more organized. I can put that on my resume or something.

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[untitled #403]

Another thing I've been walking by a lot on the way to work is the Fox Tower cinema. And every time, I notice the poster for My Big Fat Greek Wedding. That poster bothers me. In place of the two e's in "Greek", there are two Greek sigmas. Which are, of course, the equivalent of s's in English. So you have this movie that sells itself for being an ethnic comedy, and yet they don't worry that, to a reasonably literate person of said ethnicity, the movie is called "My Big Fat Grssk Wedding". I don't know. I think I'll find another route to work.

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[untitled #402]

While walking through the South Park Blocks on my way to work, I noticed that the roses smelled particularly redolent. I was reminded very much of a Sesame Street scratch 'n' sniff book I had as a child. Which is odd. It's like eating cherries that taste just like cherry Jolly Ranchers.

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[untitled #401]

There is a wild blackberry bush that grows on the sidewalk down my street. Every day, as I walk by it, I've been watching the berries ripen. Then all the ripe ones disappeared. But today I found some more good ones, and they were so sweet. It's very odd to me that there are plants out there just giving up food right in the middle of the city. And it's not poisonous or anything. It seems communist or something.

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[untitled #400]

I love my webhosting company. There I was at one in the morning, having forgotten my password for mySQL. What to do? Why, call up tech support, of course! And the bonus: phone calls at that hour are free on my cell phone! Whee! There are few companies in the world that take your calls at that hour, much less competently.

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[untitled #399]

While I rank in the top ten sites that Google returns for some rather prurient searches, I am nowhere near as proud of that as I am for ranking (as of this writing) as number one for the search "clowns dancing with monkeys". Wow. Thank you, referral logs!

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[untitled #398]

My subtle encroachment on the people of Timber Press continues. Although I remain a temporary employee or contractor or somesuch, I have now attained the following accoutrements of a permanent employee: own computer (Power Mac 9600, so it's really half a computer, crawl crawl) own desk (again, the monitor and computer footprint obliterate most of my space), own e-mail address (although I am not yet on the muckety-mucks "all" lists yet), and now my own inbox. Now if I could just con someone into giving me benefits...

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[untitled #397]

As my usual deodorant was still packed from this weekend's trip to Port Angeles, WA, I found myself wearing the same deodorant as I last used when I traveled to Europe, as well as one of the shirts I wore on that trip. As such, my work is continually interrupted by pleasant memories of Prague or Barcelona. Which is fine, as it's Monday.

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the barbituate of the masses

But when life gets you down, there's always TV to take your mind off things!

If you have the time, may I recommend PAX's breakout show, Supermarket Sweep?

What better way is there to restore confidence in a market shaken by infectious greed than by celebrating that most American of pastimes - stacking as many hams and gallons of olive oil in your shopping cart as quickly as possible?

And the show's web site also has a really helpful shopping list that I use when I go out to the grocery store. Don't forget the frozen beans and prepared salads! I just want to know why there's no checkboxes for "obscenely large quantities of hams and cheeses".

Of course, if maniacal consumerism isn't your cup of tea and you don't enjoy ogling haggled suburban housewives in sweatshirts, there's always congenial host David "Help my career is over" Ruprecht to put a scripted laugh into your life. You probably remember David as the radio voice in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan or as Thurston Howell IV in "The Harlem Globe Trotters on Gilligan's Island".

But for those who find it difficult to squeeze in an entire 22 minutes of blatant product advertising plus commercials, you can always read TV on the Internet!

Like, for instance, this article I found at CNN.com (motto: "where two of the three initials are increasingly incorrect") in which two minds discuss the relevance of Britney Spears et al.

Thrill to the hard-hitting analysis!

TOURE: Like last night, right, we're sitting there thinking, how can we say Britney is over? That "Slave For You" piece came on from MTV last year with the snake.

NEVILLE: That's hot.

Marvel at the deft social commentary!

NEVILLE: Pink, that's my girl.

TOURE: Because she's black, right?

NEVILLE: I think Pink is...

TOURE: She is one of those white girls who is kind of black. I think so.

And discover the secret behind Justin Timberlake's success!

NEVILLE: He's from 'N Sync.

TOURE: Just to be clear, he's from Memphis, Tennessee. He has got that soul in him. He's been eating ribs all his life. He talks about his grandmother's peach cobbler that he loves.

You can even learn about the Next Big Thing you can't help but love. It's a lovable scamp who, according to "Toure" ... well, let's let him say it in his own words:

TOURE: This guy is from Atlanta. He made a reported 36 songs on $10,000 of equipment in his bedroom. It's total low-fi.

Which may be six times as much per song as Nirvana spent on their debut album, but hey. "Low-fi" is subject to inflation, too, I suppose.

But I don't want to end this article on a down note, so I join "Toure" and Arthel Neville in saying

NEVILLE: I say, go, Janet.

TOURE: How about go, Justin?

Thank you, good night.

Comments on "the barbituate of the masses"

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Written by: Moe

Written at: 15:34 26 Jul, 2002

Isn't is amazing how stupid people are? How they like such low-brow things? I'm so glad I realized a long time ago that there only a single acceptable aesthetic worth subscribing to. If I didn't, I'd be indistinguishable from the rif-raf! The rabble! The scum! The horror! The HORROR!

 

Written by: tODD

Written at: 00:39 29 Jul, 2002

Yah yah yah, I didn't mean to come across all high and mighty. My sarcasm may have been laid on rather thick to express that I really do enjoy watching Supermarket Sweep.

I mean, it's crap, and I really think that's a pretty defendable point of view, but I'm sure there are people who think otherwise, and yay for them.

But heaven forbid I voice my own opinion on my own stupid web page, eh?

Maybe all subsequent posts will be about how everybody is perfect in their own way, and nobody is capable of doing anything bad, and we're all winners, really. A gold star for you all!

 

Written by: Nathan Beach

Written at: 10:36 31 Jul, 2002

Hi,

I've been feeling down lately about America and things and also haven't watched tele-vision in over two years, by my own choice. I actually moved the tele-vision so that it couldn't be connected to the antenna. Well, I decided to hook the tele-vision back up two nights ago. The commercials are so reaffirming and encouraging! This one Eckerd's commercial, about pediatric prescriptions and how wonderful wives/moms are, was my favorite. Then I saw a show where a black woman was forced to eat ants and a rotten egg. Then there was a family living on an "authentic" farm circa 1883. There is a company called Cingular which has a really nice, comforting logo. That made me feel better.

 

Written by: amar

Written at: 22:02 31 Jul, 2002

there's a host of things i'm proud of not doing, whilst simultaneously i'm embarrassed that i'm proud. e.g. not watching tv, not eating fast food. i think it's good to not watch tv but it's also good to not believe that you (you in the general 'one' sense) are better than other people because of this. i've realized lately that i surf the internet in the same way other people watch tv-- haphazardly, with divided attention. lately i worry that the web is destroying my ability to concentrate. this will be a hard addiction to kick, but soon i may have to try.

 

Written by: Henry

Written at: 15:54 20 Sep, 2002

[This comment has been deleted at the request of those mentioned therein, and because it was pretty stupid anyway —Todd]

 

Written by: Gionncarlo

Written at: 16:13 20 Sep, 2002

[This comment has also been deleted, but only because it was stupid and crass —Todd]

 

Written by: tODD

Written at: 00:15 26 Sep, 2002

This is the kind of comments I get for having the first four letters of my URL be what they are.

Sigh.

 

Written by: Michael Kilgore

Written at: 13:12 09 Sep, 2003

why can't i see nacked pictures of Justin Timberlake

 

Written by: Jordan Knebush

Written at: 13:34 30 Dec, 2003

that was very good...!
i like it

 

Written by: tom

Written at: 11:57 29 Jan, 2004

justin your hot

 
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living in amerika

Let's play a game. Pretend that you are brought in by a Congressional committee to recommend a solution to the rampant problem of videocassette piracy.

While police are able to break up a few of the larger piracy rackets, the problem is that there are simply too many people copying videocassettes for the cops to stop them all. What should be done?

If you answered, "Vigilantism! Make it legal for employees of the movie studios to break in to wherever the illegal copies are being made and destroy the copying equipment, furthermore making it difficult for those allegedly engaged in piracy to recoup any (accidental) losses incurred as a result of this sabotage", then take a deep breath, and meet Senator Howard Berman.

Mr. Berman is upset at the fact that the record companies (all five of them) are completely incapable of making money now that peer-to-peer applications have proliferated (think of them as the mammals to the record companies' dinosaurs).

And as a U.S. Senator, Mr. Berman knows that all those millions of stupid laws that already exist can't possibly stem this tide of illegal behavior - not even if we tried to enforce them!

Furthermore, as a Democrat, Mr. Berman knows that big business always succeeds where government fails, and preventing illegal behavior is no exception! That's why he wants to make it legal for the music industry to hack into your computer and stop you from doing anything illegal. We can trust them, since they obviously care about the customers.

And, of course, if the companies accidentally delete something that you own legally, or otherwise mess things up, whoops! After you jump through the correct procedural hoops and prove that the damage done was over $250, justice is served!

Every day, I get more and more cynical, and more and more convinced it's the most logical reaction I can have to all this crap.

(Many links initially found on Tom Tomorrow's blog, he of This Modern World fame.)

Comments on "living in amerika"

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Written by: Josh

Written at: 15:23 26 Jul, 2002

I can't imagine that this will ever get passed. Too loopy.

 

Written by: aaron

Written at: 17:31 28 Jul, 2002

Another URL for useful information about Senator Berman is this one. It's always enlightening to see who funds political campaigns...

 

Written by: Jon

Written at: 09:34 05 Aug, 2002

To make no comment on the main thrust of your article, ludicrous though it is, and concentrate entirely on all this crap, it's interesting to note that at a time when we are fighting those who wish to take our freedoms away, it is necessary, in order to do this, that our freedoms must first be taken away.

 

Written by: tODD

Written at: 23:38 05 Aug, 2002

Huh? Jon, maybe I missed something, but it sounded like you said "in order to protest people doing bad thing x, there must first be an instance of bad thing x".

Certainly the current administration is all about pre-emptive strikes. I should expect that those who would like to rein them in would have to be just as "proactive".

Sure, protesting before any published, widely acknowledged instances of civil rights abuses (and surely Jose Padilla doesn't count - he did something bad, right?) sounds like whining, but I'd rather whine now than be justified later in having done so. As, I assume, would those whose civil liberties are threatened these days.

 

Written by: aaron

Written at: 22:16 06 Aug, 2002

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" -- Benjamin Franklin

 

Written by: Jon

Written at: 03:41 09 Aug, 2002

Yeah, apparently I wasn't exactly as clear as I could have been, basically what I was trying to say was what Ben Franklin had so eloquently many years ago. Thanks aaron.

It was supposed to be all clever and ironic, it would seem I failed miserably.

 

Written by: mysterious

Written at: 03:14 17 Jan, 2003

this is an artikle who really SUCKS!!!

 
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[untitled #396]

Oh, I know, you read the Onion like everyone else. But their TV listings always make me laugh out loud, if only because they are mercifully short. Thus did I snicker at the Sci-Fi channel listing for "Movie: The Series". And, due to many wasted summer mornings watching Bob Barker go on and on, I truly understood the Game Show channel listings for "Ghoulish Spectres Of Souls Long Dead Guess How Much Turtle Wax Costs" and "Stick-Like Microphones With The Little Foam Ball On Top". As they say, how true, how true.

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[untitled #395]

Every so often, reading the news (Plastic, Salon, The New York Times, or even CNN) makes me think we should just scrap America as it is and start over. Sometimes doing that can really help you to come up with some really great ideas.

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[untitled #394]

Hey, look! extreme drought and severe market turmoil (in addition to the recession and all), all following a period of seemingly endless prosperity and general hedonistic stupidity. Gee, is it the 1930s again? I hope so, because I want to be part of The Other Greatest Generation. I also want to bore my spoiled grandkids to tears about how I survived this era. Yay!

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[untitled #393]

Maybe we need some kind of Martin Luther of the technology world. Someone who will come along and lead a revolt against the greedy, evil leaders that preach fear and death outside of their one and only way. Maybe he can e-mail a document called Theses 95 to the Church at Redmond, among others. Except now it would be called Theses XP or whatever. I'm sure this has been thought of before.

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[untitled #392]

You know you're reading an old computer manual when you come across the text "Netscape Navigator is the Web's most popular browser" (from The Allaire ColdFusion Web Application Construction Kit, which I'm reading for work).

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dream on

I recently had a weird dream. Lacking any other stories to tell you, I will regale you with tales from my somnambulant synapses.

I found myself in a crowded park near a travelling carnival. Hundreds of children were milling about without any parental supervision.

I should probably mention that the whole dream seems to have been "filmed" by a member of the 70s psychadelic school. Colors were odd, often washed out, and the whole dream had a grainy feel to it. The camera was somewhat unsteady, with unexplained quick zooms or pans to draw attention to various points.

Man, I'm glad I mentioned that. Maybe I dreamed I was watching a bad movie.

Anyhow, all the children were gorging themselves on meat, apparently given to them for free by the carnival people. They were making an absolute mess of the rotary barbeque, onto which they kept throwing huge slabs of meat.

I knew that something sinister was afoot, because nobody feeds that many children that much meat without some ulterior motive. It's a scientific fact. But I played it cool so I could get to the bottom of the plot.

Suddenly, I saw a white tiger on a chain. He roared at the children, which was obviously tiger-speak for "I want to eat them now", but he was led away by a man who I think was sporting a top hat and a curly moustache - which is evil no matter how you slice it. The man didn't want the children to see the tiger and thus realize they were being fattened so they could be eaten. But I knew better.

Somehow my Oregon world seeped into this dreamscape and I found myself talking to a couple of vegetarian children, who were not gorging themselves on meat. No, they were eating from yellow bags that contained "vegetarian snacks". When I read the ingredients list, it said "peas, a carrot, and 98% meat". Even the vegetarians had been duped!

I was then escorted into a school cafeteria (or was it a cafetorium?) adjacent to the circus grounds, which was being used by the circus folk as a giant feeding area.

And then I had dream deja vu. I knew that I had been here before, or maybe even had this dream before. Mind you, I'm not sure I had actually had this dream before, but in the dream, I had dreamed something like this before. Or something. Dreams can be like that.

I became very paranoid. I stopped talking around the carnival people. When I did talk, I didn't move my lips, so they couldn't be read by unseen sinister types. All very clever, but I still entered the building and ate the food they gave me, which wasn't meat, but pancakes.

You might think that it would be stupid to eat food from obviously evil carnival folk, but, much as I would in real life, I said to myself, "hey, free meal."

They were playing very loud music in the cafeteria to keep us kids from talking to each other. After all, talking is not eating.

And here is the part that made me chuckle when I woke up from this dream: the song that they were playing was Duran Duran's "Skin Trade" (RealAudio format).

I mean, talk about telegraphing your punches.

Comments on "dream on"

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Written by: Tracy

Written at: 13:47 19 Aug, 2002

Meat? Kids? No supervision? Chains?

There are undeniable "Catholic priest-like" undercurrents in your dream.

Even the pancake breakfast. No wait, that's Lutheran.

 

Written by: tODD

Written at: 01:41 20 Aug, 2002

Guilty as charged on the latter count.

Although personally, when I think "Lutheran food", I think marshmallows and Jell-O, Durkee fried onions and green beans, and other lackluster potluck fare. Oh, and the one guy who always brought a bucket of fried chicken, bless him.

But maybe Texan Lutherans are slackers.

 

Written by: Tracy

Written at: 13:25 21 Aug, 2002

What Lutheran food means to me:

Anything with Mayonnaise
White Bread
Swedish Meatballs
Deviled Eggs
Liverwurst
Finger Sandwiches
Waffles
Pot Roast

I don't what Durkee fried onions are. You're right about the marshmallows, although I've never seen them in combination with Jell-O. They are great over sweet potatoes (if the sweet potatoes would stop getting in the way).

Sorry about the Catholic remark. (Not the priest part, but the Catholic part.)

 
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comix redux

In the small chunk of the universe that is my world, in the relatively large subchunk that deals with reading the comics, there is something strange going on.

First off, I laughed at a Ziggy cartoon. Not just any old tepid, up-with-people Ziggy cartoon, mind you. This cartoon.

I'm sure that I will have my detractors. The masses will say "Todd's gone soft!" and whisper among themselves. And yet I assert that this Ziggy cartoon is funny.

Okay, the intended gag doesn't measure up to the sublime humor of Get Fuzzy. But it still makes me giggle.

His car is making funny noises, and it's a clown. That's mildly surreal for Ziggy. I don't know, maybe my expectations are just so low for this Tom Wilson (and "Tom II") cartoon.

But what is causing me to giggle (or at least breathe irregularly) to this very moment is the drawing of that clown. Go look at it again! I assert that that is the most perfect clown drawing, ever.

Look at him! He's so serene! His smile is more that of a placid monk than some grotesque circus actor. And he's just happily floating there in the car's innards. Before, he was under the hood, but now he has happily risen up to show everyone how happy he is. He may be corpulent, his hat may dwarf his misshapen head, and he may be wearing the most ridiculous yellow ruffled thing I've ever seen, but he's so calm about it.

Fine, you think I'm crazy, and that's okay. But I'm telling you that this is a watershed Ziggy comic.

But if you can't understand that cartoon, then there is no way that you will grok yesterday's Family Circus. For in that cartoon, which involves a very dumb gag in which Dolly once again mispronounces something (there's only so many times you can laff at a learning disability), you can plainly see ...

Zippy the Pinhead's head!! There, on top of one of the totem poles!

Do you know what consternation this caused me when I was reading the comics in bed last night, ready to drift off to sleep?

Oh, fine, it actually didn't constern me much at all. Because I know, deep down, that Bil Keane is pretty darned hip.

After all, his own web site features a large number of parodies of his strip, some of which aren't so flattering or on the same level as Family Circus.

Heck, there's even an extensive collection of Zippy the Pinhead cartoons that feature a guest appearance by Bil Keane. So I guess the two know each other and are good friends.

Which might seem disappointing, in that it makes yesterday's Zippy sighting less edgy.

But when I think about it, if Bil Keane and (Zippy artist) Bill Griffith can be friends, then I know that the universe is a strange and wonderful place, and we can, in fact, all get along.

And really, isn't that what the internet is all about?

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Written by: amarrr

Written at: 01:35 14 Jul, 2002

ok i admit, that's the first zippy i've ever seen that made me laugh. a bit.

 
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why wasn't it called vanilla ice?

I had a Vanilla Coke (warning: annoying music) recently, after hearing all the hub and the bub.

Mind you, I've been drinking vanilla Cokes since back in the day, served by my local quasi-50's-esque hamburger joint.

And I must say that those concoctions were better than the bottled version I had, if only because 1) they were imbued with more love than a robot bottler can give, 2) I was such a naive child - I didn't even know that carbohydrates were or were not bad for me! - that I didn't know any better, and 3) I am now a naive adult who thinks everything was better when I was a kid.

Ah, well. What interesting factoids can be gleaned from this experience?

Well, looking at the ingredients on the Vanilla Coke bottle, I noticed that they weren't much different from those on a regular (aka "Classic") Coke bottle: carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, natural flavors, and caffeine.

The only difference was that in Vanilla Coke, "natural flavors" comes before "phosphoric acid". Which means that whatever substance they put in there for realisticky vanilla-like flavorine, it tipped the delicate acid/flavor balance. And none too soon, I say.

But I found myself wondering why soda companies like Coke add caffeine. Oh, sure, it seems obvious that they do it for the buzz that kids like and college students require. But they can't really say that.

After all, if the tobacco companies got sued (and sued) for adding nicotene, ostensibly for "flavor", but more likely for its addictive properties, then what keeps our nation's soda giants from having a big chunk taken out of their posterior, courtesy of our nation's legal giants?

The answer, of course, is "lying". By which I mean using the same crummy defense: tell the people you add it for flavor.

As if the other natural flavors just couldn't match the wonderful bitterness of caffeine. Yes, that zingy bitter flavor you crave every time you gulp down that artificially sweetened soda.

What? You can't taste the bitterness? Neither can most people. Heck, I spent a good chunk of my childhood drinking caffeine-free Coke, and I couldn't taste the difference. But I could feel it.

So now the only remaining question is why, in these times of economic solemness (if not exactly depression), the states haven't banded together and tried to pry a ginormous cash settlement out of the soda companies. I'm waiting.

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Written by: aaron

Written at: 21:51 10 Jul, 2002

First, I agree with you on one point. The assertion that Coca-Cola puts caffeine in drinks because it tastes good is probably a load of crap.

But, I think there is a significant difference between the caffeine scenario and the nicotine scenario. The tobacco companies forever denied that nicotine was addictive and that smoking caused health problems, even though they had in-house studies that showed differently. Coke isn't denying that caffeine is addictive, and they don't say anything about its health effects. Big tobacco's sins are far worse than Coke's.

But that doesn't mean they won't get sued over it. Some cities are suing or trying to sue gun manufacturers for the cost of gun violence. This is very strange. If my house gets broken into, can I sue Maglite if the burgler uses one to break the glass? I just don't get it.

Suing junk-food makers is already in the works as well. I'm all for sticking it to companies that mislabel their nutrition info, but if I offer you a 2000 calorie burger, tell you it's 2000 calories, and you buy it and eat it, don't come to me when you put on the pounds...

Not that this issue gets me excited or anything... :)

 

Written by: tODD

Written at: 09:18 12 Jul, 2002

Oh, I'm not saying the soda companies should get sued. Just that, the way things are today, they very likely will, as soon as someone needs the money bad enough (even if it's just some lawyers).

Still, I don't think Coke is as innocent as perhaps your example of the fat-laden burger.

They are intentionally adding a chemical for its addictive properties (or so I assert) and then telling you they added it for another reason.

That just seems less forthright than slapping another piece (or four) of tasty bacon on the burger.

I also highly doubt that any soda company would say on the record that caffeine is addictive. They might not tell you that Coke is good for you (as they once did), but they'll never portray it in a negative light.

 

Written by: Sharyn

Written at: 18:18 12 Jul, 2002

But, I think the two big differences are that caffiene isn't nearly as addictive as nicotene, and that Coca-Cola isn't nearly as dangerous as tobacco. Coca-Cola may be able to disolve a penny over-night and take rust off chrome, but has anyone died of cancers directly resulting from drinking a pack of Cokes every day? For that matter, how many people actually drink a whole pack of Cokes every day? It just doesn't seem like the two issues can be compared, though I'm sure plenty of people would like to try if it means adding to their billfolds.

 

Written by: tODD

Written at: 19:06 15 Jul, 2002

Never mind.

Caffeine is good for you. Now. Maybe.

Coke was doing it for our health all along.

And here I was avoiding caffeine like a chump. Looks like it's time to get back on the jitter train.

 

Written by: Julia

Written at: 16:29 16 Jul, 2002

But did you see the size of the sample of subjects in that study? 108 people.

Did they quote error bars on their numbers?
Of course not.

Do they have any idea why what they've found to be "true" is actually "true"? Of course not, doubly. None of these studies ever do.

Unfortunately, the same scientific naivete that makes people believe in the Atkins diet also makes them eat up articles like this. Arg.

 

Written by: Sharyn

Written at: 09:58 17 Jul, 2002

Well, anybody with half a brain would know that just because something's on the internet doesn't automatically make it true, and that they should run out and drink a pot of coffee on a daily basis.
But then again, I hear the Wizard of Oz has been very busy lately and that there just aren't enough brains to go around.
Personally, I like coffee in the morning, and occassionally durring a late night at Denny's, and my favorite soda pop is Coca-Cola (actually, I can taste the difference between caffiene-free and regular), but I'm also a vegitarian who watches her diet and just keeps things in ballance and moderation, which is the only thing most doctors seem to agree on.

 

Written by: Julia

Written at: 15:52 18 Jul, 2002

Oh, but how do we know anything is true? In the Platonic sense, I mean. I think that is what the internet should be about.

PS. I was mildly confused by your tone. Are you saying that I lack some brain because I question they way information is presented on the internet? There is plenty of room for change in the way the media portrays science, and I don't think we should write off trying to change things because people who consume information are too "stupid" or "lazy" to handle it.

 

Written by: Sharyn

Written at: 20:45 18 Jul, 2002

Oh, no no, nothing of the sort! I actually completely agree with you. I just think it's silly of someone, or anyone, to instantly believe something just because CNN says it's true without giving details or facts.

Sorry, I totally did not mean to come off as insulting.

 

Written by: jjjgjf

Written at: 13:35 10 May, 2003

Soda rules. I don't know what they are talking about.

 

Written by: kyo

Written at: 14:12 05 Dec, 2006

coke may be doing it on purpose but if so why do they make caffein free coke?

 

Written by: kyo

Written at: 14:14 05 Dec, 2006

soda rules by the way.
woohoo!!!!!!!!suger rush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Written by: anonymous

Written at: 09:00 21 Oct, 2007

caffeine is tasteless btw so yh it is crap that it tastes gd

 
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de-carbo-hydration

I was recently pointed to a New York Times Magazine article on fats, carbohydrates, and the much-reviled Dr. Atkins (free registration required), which, as these articles tend to do, left me skimming the last few pages and wondering what in the world I'm supposed to do with all this information.

And what I did was cook three pounds of pork sausage. Really. Not so much in response to the possibility that meat may be better for me than pastas and breads, but because the recipe called for it.

I suppose I should do a better job of reviewing a recipe before I go out like some sort of culinary robot and buy the exact quantities of foodstuffs that the recipe calls for.

I mean, it'll take me quite a while to get through eight "Ballycastle sausage rolls" of [attempts to mentally figure amount, gives up and pulls out HP programmable graphing calculator reduced to doing division] almost a third of a pound of sausage each.

Not that I really follow recipes all that strictly, but for some reason I can't find it in myself to halve the given proportions, even if those proportions come from a restaurant recipe obviously meant to serve a gaggle of frat boys.

I should also mention that it's rather unusual for me to cook meat at all, much less three pounds of sausage. It's probably safe to say that the amount of meat I cooked tonight is equal to the amount of meat I purchased in the past, oh, six months. Usually, if I want meat, I go out to a decent restaurant. But I wanted to cook sausage, dangit.

So now I have a tub full of sausage in my refrigerator, waiting to be lovingly rolled into puff pastry pockets and baked. The tub is sitting next to an equally large tub of gazpacho. You can almost feel the meat voltage between the two tubs.

But that's not the point. The point is that there is yet more data out there in the world that conflicts with other data about what it is we're supposed to eat to live longer, or happier, or smarter or something.

And in this zany postmodern world we live in, when we feel overwhelmed by conflicting data, when we feel that we are no longer in control of our lives, what do we do? That's right, we try to find some petty way to make fun of the whole situation, thereby failing to address the big issue, but nonetheless making ourselves feel as if we've done, well, something.

In this particular situation, our fun is had in reading the online transcript of two CNN talking heads discussing the whole fat/carbohydrate flap, which reads, in part, more like a poorly translated Japanese screenplay than a serious discussion of medical science, as in this exchange:

PHILLIPS: Yes, I know. It's like, how do you find the right kind?

COHEN: You know, it is saturated -- I will tell you the technical answer. Then I tell you the easy answer.

PHILLIPS: OK, please.

And in this Shakespeare-esque dialogue:

PHILLIPS: All right, Dr. Atkins is totally anti-carbs.

COHEN: Yes.

PHILLIPS: So, these influential researchers with whom you spoke, what do they say about that?

COHEN: They are not anti-carb.

It also contains the following wonderful paragraph, in which people who have earned doctorates are paraphrased to sound like idiots. More importantly, it contains an aside that would make a junior high student giggle. Can you find it?

And they all said: "Oh, no. We do not suggest that to our patients." They said: "What we think is that maybe Atkins is on to something when he says fat is not that bad. But" -- and here is the big but -- "but we tell our patients to eat 'good fats.'"

And there you have it. So what should I eat to be happier? More fats? More carbohydrates? Absent any overwhelming scientific consensus, the answer is sausage. And gazpacho. And really good bread. And whatever else I was planning on cooking before I read that article.

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Written by: amar

Written at: 22:05 10 Jul, 2002

hahaha!
i also have been obsessively thinking about that article. i mean i'm veggie, i can't start eating frickin sausage. but i think he has a point with the less carbs thing. i've been eating more soy products. mmm soyrizo

 

Written by: Xy

Written at: 15:16 11 Jul, 2002

Soyrizo? {shudder}

I could insert the obligatory "my father lost 50 pounds on a low-carb diet" commercial here (just did -- ha ha!), but the fact of the matter is that the real key in any diet is portion control. Honestly, I just like all food too much to limit myself to any subset of it... and I think the emotional satisfaction of a well prepared, varied and interesting, moderately sized meal is more important than sadly and woefully eating Just Meat or Just Salad.

But the challenge of such a limited diet is weirdly compelling. And for Atkins, anyway, the anecdotal (if not empirical) evidence is compelling.

 

Written by: tODD

Written at: 09:26 12 Jul, 2002

Christy, I totally agree with you. Eating less and moderate exercise (e.g. I walk to and from work, which takes about 25 minutes) will get you all sorts of places.

For instance, under said diet, I now weigh less than I did throughout college. You could even call me skinny.

Mind you, the small portion part was enforced by my being unemployed and trying to stretch my meals out. But hey, it works.

Which is why I split just one sausage roll with Julia in our dinner last night of sausage rolls and gazpacho (subtitled "tension on the dinner plate").

Of course, when your sausage roll is the size of a medium potato, it's okay to split one.

But my real point is this: how many bastardized food names are employed in selling soy (or otherwise "healthy") versions of the same food?

You've got your Tofurkey, your tuNO (fake tuna), your soysauge, and your soyrizo. What else is there?

 
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