Todd Stadler's blog

Desperate blogging

Wow, was it really only two entries ago I was determined to write something to be filed under June 2008? And the last thing I wrote before this was turned in just before the end of July, too. Hmm.

Now here it is, mere hours before the end of September, with August somehow having slipped away (in spite of my sister-in-law's warning), and I'm once again trying to cram in an entry.

All out of some dubious notion that I haven't actually given up on this blog, ignoring the evidence to the contrary.

Perhaps, then, it is appropriate that I want to talk to you about something else that is desperate. Namely, Desperate Housewives.

Well, not about the show, per se. I don't think I've seen more than a few cumulative minutes of it, and I couldn't even tell you the characters' names, much less any plot points. Heck, I'm not sure I could even recognize the main actors other than Teri Hatcher, and seeing her these days only makes me sad, since she is not, to be honest, as young as she was on Lois & Clark back when I was in college.

You might think this observation to be unfair, but if I haven't changed since I was in college — and I haven't; back then, I waited until the very last minute to write things, as well — I don't see why she should have.

So what about Desperate Housewives do I want to touch on, if not the show itself? This advertisement, which appeared in last Sunday's Parade "magazine" (please, Parade — if you're a magazine, this blog entry is an epic poem):

Fig. A: Housewives: desperate? Or merely mealy?

Yes, sorry, but that's a scan of the actual magazine, complete with a snarky comment I left for my wife penned in underneath the tagline.

That's right, not only do we read a physical newspaper, but we leave sarcastic comments in it for each other's enjoyment — although we're currently only receiving the paper because The Oregonian decided to send it to us for free for several months after we canceled it. Does that make sense? No, but it likely gives you several ideas why The Oregonian may eventually go under.

And when our free "subscription" eventually runs out, the ability to leave caustic notes in it will be one of the few things I miss. That and the crossword.

Anyhow, that ad. Yeesh. I realize that apples play a role somehow in the show's iconography (though I only know that because I have a passing interest in fellow Lutheran Lucas Cranach the Elder, whose Adam and Eve appears in the show's intro).

But listen, people. Apples are 85% water. Adult women are about 55% water, on average. "Juicier"? I'm just not buying it.

Also, while Red Delicious apples may be iconic, they are not, in fact, delicious. They are tasteless and gross, with nasty skin, and too bitter for me.

I assume this is therefore a reference to the characters on the show?