blender contest results

By Todd Stadler · Tuesday, October 30, 2001 6:57pm

First off, I want to say that the contest wasn't rigged. Promise.

That said, the winner of the First Annual Cockahoop Blender Setting Sorting Contest is none other than my girlfriend Julia. Really.

Her winning entry was, from lowest to highest: easy clean, chop, mix, grate, shred, blend, beat, grind, mince, ice crush, cream, puree, whip, and liquefy.

Which, you'll notice, is not all that similar to Oster's official ordering which is, from lowest to highest: easy clean, beat, puree, cream, chop, whip, mix, mince, grate, blend, shred, grind, liquefy, and ice crush.

Which just goes to show you that Oster has no clue what they're doing. As one contestant put it, "How can liquefy not be the top speed for a blender? ... Crushed ice is obviously (obviously) less blended than liquefied ice". Indeed.

But contestants felt other words were misplaced as well. Most contestants felt that puree, cream, and whip deserved to be among the highest settings, not, as Oster thinks, among the lowest.

In contrast, most contestants felt that Oster was wrong in putting mix, grate, and shred among the highest settings.

But let's not get all worked up here. After all, our house has a blender, and it makes a mighty fine salsa verde.

And Julia has her wonderful prize, which, as it turns out, is a fabulous trip to Portland this Thanksgiving, including a marvelous banquet with some of Portland's hippest hipsters. Congratulations, Julia!