theme songs - an epilogue

By Todd Stadler · Friday, November 9, 2001 8:28pm

When contrasted with other theme songs, that of Green Acres stands out all the more.

Take for example the theme song to Mr. Ed (.AU format). In contrast to the warm, thoughtful writing of the show, the lyrics to the song are downright awful.

Like the theme to Gilligan's Island, this theme suffers from needless repetition. The phrase "of course, of course" is employed more than once, and it is the signature of a hack writer.

Even more disconcerting is the writer's apparent inability to find more than three rhymes for "horse" (unless you consider "hoarse", which I won't): "course", "source", and "endorse". Agonizingly, the latter two are only used once, forcing the former to carry the brunt of the rhyming responsibility.

But the single thing that condemns the Mr. Ed theme song to the dustbin of television music is its lyric self-contradiction. This is perhaps best pointed out when the song is paraphrased.

"Horses, being what they are, don't talk. Except Mr. Ed. Go ahead and ask him and he'll tell you he talks. People talk a lot, but not Mr. Ed. He only talks out of necessity. Mr. Ed talks until he is not able to any more. If you don't believe me, listen to him yourself."

The viewer is left wondering whether Mr. Ed talks a lot or not. He is confused, unsure of what to expect, and therefore more likely to switch to another channel and watch reruns of My Three Sons. Thus, the theme song has failed.

But more painful is the theme song that fails because it is totally irrelevant.

Such a song is the detestable Family Ties theme song (.WAV format). This song's lyrics tell nothing of a former hippie couple raising their three (and, sadly, sometimes four) children - one a young Republican, one a ditz, and the one played by Tina Yothers - in the 1980's.

In fact, the song's lyrics deal only with the self-absorbtion of the two unnamed singers ("what would we do, baby, without us?"), and their delusions of immortality ("I bet we'll be together for a million more [years]").

If any relevance is to be found in the song's lyrics, it is that it is emblematic of the self-absorbtion of the baby boomers in the 80's. But that does not justify having the song, any more than does the needless ending lyric of "sha-la-la-la".

Indeed, with competition like this, it is not hard to see why Green Acres remains the gold standard for television theme songs.