safety rules!

By Todd Stadler · Monday, March 18, 2002 11:58pm

People often ask me questions about safety because I have so many safety-related posters in and around my bedroom. One such question I was asked recently was "what are some good guidelines for safely carrying a large tub of water?".

I understand that this is a problem that many people have, so I thought I would answer the question publicly, taking full advantage of this cyber-medium we call the internet.

• Make sure that the tub of water has a lid, so that the water will not slosh out of the tub and negate your ability to carry it, possibly moistening your person in the process.
• Lift the tub of water with your legs, not with your back. It is even more preferable to lift the tub with your arms and hands.
• Look both ways before crossing the street with the tub.
• Make sure that the tub does not contain any sharp objects which might accidentally lodge themselves in your person.
• If carrying the tub during an eclipse, don't look directly at the sun.
• Should you happen to come between a bear cub and its mother while carrying the tub, it is best to hop into the tub of water and pretend you are a harmless salmon, as bears and salmon are natural friends.
• Do not under any circumstances attempt to swallow the entire contents of the tub so that you may more easily carry around an empty tub, with the plan to later empty the water back into the tub upon reaching your destination. This will only end in tears.
• Make sure that you are not, in fact, carrying a tub of acid. Tubs of acid look like tubs of water, but have devastatingly different effects on the human body.
• Do not attempt to carry a tub of water in extremely cold weather, as you will find it impossible. The water will quickly turn to ice, and I am not able to advise you on carrying large tubs of ice.
• If you are carrying the tub as part of a hazing ritual, do not complain about how heavy it is, as those hazing you will only give you more.
• Above all else, remain calm when carrying a large tub of water. It will soon pass.

I hope that clears up any questions on that matter. I also hope the next entry will not rely on bullet points so much for content. Thanks for bearing with me.