puppet government

By Todd Stadler · Friday, June 14, 2002 6:27pm

It used to be that I worried that my government was controlled by a bunch of shortsighted, greedy people more concerned with looking good than doing good.

Perhaps I was being optimistic. It turns out my government also bases its actions in part on the opinions of boy band singers. And shag carpet in a suit, a.k.a. Elmo. And, for heaven's sake, even Benji, who, though incredibly smart for a dog, still cannot speak English.

Or maybe it was a dog that they called "Benji" who looks enough like the original dog, who of course died many years ago. They do the same trick with Jesse Helms, you know.

Of course, the shortsighted, greedy people still do run our country, but it bothers me that they feel the best way to legitimize their positions is to invite celebrities to speak about topics they know nothing about.

Ask yourself if you're happier knowing that your congressman may have voted on strip mining based on the testimony of Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson (seen at the bottom of this page writing a song about how strip mining pains him so, called "Strip (I Love U So Much It Hurts)").

Whence Kevin's expertise on strip mining? His flights to other cities have sometimes taken him over mountains that have been strip-mined. Also, when he sings, it makes your heart melt.

And now for a case study that I just made up.

Guy 1: Dude, did you hear that Speaker Hastert proposed legislation today that would make it illegal to make disparaging remarks about America or its leaders?

Guy 2: Huh? Dude, I'm watching TV right now ...

And now for the other contrasting case study, which I also just made up.

Guy 1: Hey, I read in USA Today that Lee Greenwood is testifying before Congress on why we need more laws banning un-American speech.

Guy 2: That Lee Greenwood really knows how to write a tune. I really like that song he wrote. Oh, what did you say about Congress? (singing) "And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free ..."

I mean, is that what our leaders have in mind? It's insulting.

But I suppose this is what happens when you have a country where more voters watch TV than actually bother to vote.