dance dance dance

By Todd Stadler · Sunday, June 23, 2002 2:02am

A group of us went out dancing at Embers last Thursday, and since "you learn something new every day", here is a list of what I learned on that particular day.

(Of course, I don't really learn something new every day, if I can help it. More often than not I repackage rather stale knowledge in a different way, such that it will appear that I've learned something new. Because rare is the day that anyone actually bothers to check that I've learned the proverbial something new. But I digress.)

• It is difficult to smoothly introduce yourself to someone at a dance club because you recognize him from his webpage
• Things are made less smooth when you worry about being not smooth, knowing full well that you are not trying to pick up this guy because, after all, you're straight.
• Things become downright scratchy when you toss the following phrase into an increasingly less-smooth conversation: "So we both are famous for Hostess-related webpages."
• If you type the word "smooth" often enough, it will eventually appear to be some sort of alien word, perhaps describing a sleek hovercraft-like vehicle. You will also begin to wonder if maybe it should be spelled "smoothe", as with "breathe", causing you to further hate this language your parents forced on you. Or so I've heard.

I don't know why I always find myself talking to "famous" people I recognize. It's not like they know who I am.

However, SeanBaby, if that is his real name, did acknowledge that I was "that guy who dropped Twinkies off a roof" or something.

(See Mom, it was totally worth it for you to send me to Rice! Now random semi-famous people in Portland dance clubs recognize me for something silly I did seven years ago!)

In a different example, a couple of weeks ago, I recognized one of my city commisioners while walking by the post office. I stopped him, pointing out that I recognized him and that he likely didn't recognize me.

But in that case, we actually had a nice long conversation about the then-recent elections and what was to be done about the state of things in Portland. I felt clever just for being politically active enough to recognize my city commisioner, much less talk politics with him for several minutes.

Maybe that's why I talk to "famous" people. Because I can always turn it into an ego boost. There. I've now learned even more today. Let me put that into the list, along with the remaining things I learned at the dance club.

• I talk to people to feel better about myself. (It's always better to apply principals broadly, no?)
• There is an art to walking around a dance club while holding a drink, what with the people gyrating rapidly around you, rapidly alternating light and shadow, and the bleedingly loud music destroying not only your sense of hearing but in all likelihood your sense of balance as well.
• Everyone looks better with a gaggle (pride? murder?) of attractive women dancing around them.

Finally, I think this is the most important thing I learned at Embers last Thursday night:

• Morrisey does not make for good dance floor fodder, no matter how much the yokels with their stupid signs may convince the DJ otherwise.