By Todd Stadler · Saturday, November 23, 2002 1:48am
Like many Americans, I have many concerns about the Department of Homeland Security bill that recently passed the Senate.
And it's no surprise that the ever-whiny left continues to complain about, oh, whatever: the Information Awareness Office being headed by convicted Iran-Contra "scandaleer" John Poindexter, or the fact that we even have an Information Awareness Office with projects named Total Information Awareness and a logo that is oddly reminiscent of that of the Illuminati.
And I suppose that people who have done evil in the past may wring their hands about our government finding out about their indiscretions.
Yadda, as they say, yadda yadda.
These things don't concern me, voiced as they are by the obvious fringe of an otherwise law-obiding society.
No, what I'm worried about is how our government is going to collect all this information.
I mean, with 280 million people in the United States, 166 million of whom are Internet users, it seems that the government couldn't possibly collect all of the e-mails out there unless they devoted a whole lot of money to the problem.
And we all know that the United States is strapped for cash right now.
That's why I recently sent the following e-mail to President Bush, Vice President Cheney, and Attorney General Ashcroft to inform them of my plan to do my part as a patriotic American in these fearful times:
I have recently become aware of your administration's plan to gather more information on American citizens than was previously legally possible, including, but obviously not limited to collecting private e-mails.
I cannot applaud this move loudly enough. It seems like every new day brings with it a new warning of imminent terrorist attacks and, while nothing has yet come of those, I find myself living in constant fear.
Obviously, something must be done about this, and you have made the obvious deduction that we can no longer afford to simply collect information on suspected terrorists.
In an effort to support this bold new initiative, I am doing my part as an American to let you know I have nothing to hide, as I am not a terrorist.
Accordingly, I will henceforth forward to you all of the e-mails that I write, that my non-terroristic intent may be laid bare for all to see. I have done nothing wrong, so I have nothing to fear.
Although I must admit to my confusion as to how this will help us catch the terrorists, I nonetheless trust that my elected officials obviously know better and will use this data for good.
I thank you for continuing to fight for democracy here and all over the world.
It is my hope that our efforts will lead America to an unqualified victory in this war on terror much as it has enjoyed similar successes in its past wars against drugs, Vietnam, poverty, and Iraq (the first time).