spammers gone wild
By Todd Stadler · Friday, February 21, 2003 6:17am
As they say, three things in life are certain: death, taxes, (although strangely enough, not taxes on death), and never-ending spam in your inbox.
But in these topsy-turvy days, have even the spammers gone mad?
Increasingly, my inbox is filled less with offers to make body parts (some of which I don't have) bigger or to bolster the Nigerian economy, and more with, well, gibberish.
From: scotthoytbvpi@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
To: Starriann
Subject: ** All For You. **
antidiuretic , substance to slow urine formation
Your home refinance loan is approved!
To get your approved amount go here.
To be excluded from further notices go here.
antidiuretic , substance to slow urine formation 3805wzGZ0-77l11
I haven't been called antidiuretic since I was a little boy.
No, really, is this meant to somehow entice me to buy a house? Are they trying to use cognitive dissonance to distract my brain long enough to e-mail them my credit card number?
The e-mail does have this strangely haiku-like simplicity to it, especially beginning and ending with that same hypnotic phrase. But then I'm jerked out of my trance by that stupid "3805wzGZ0-77l11".
I hate it when people say "3805wzGZ0-77l11" to me.
From: smmfilesNAMES.txt (rgwf@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]) ;
Reply-To: smmfilesNAMES.txt (rgwf@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]) ;
To: Customers@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Subject: C:smmfilesSUBJECT.txt
UNSUBSCRIBE AT THE BOTTOM
-----------------------------
Dear #recipient# ,
[rest of e-mail omitted]
Whoops! Looks like some poor spammer, who was this close to making millions of $$$ from home, didn't read the manual on how to set up his crappy spammer software.
You know you've bungled it when you've somehow made your spam even more impersonal.
From: Anna_256_Pritka@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
To: user@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Subject: Hi ! Random word of digits with length 1 to 17 37628606325642
[e-mail body omitted]
I like this spam's subject line. It's strangely "meta" and yet refreshingly honest at the same time. I can respect that.
The next two e-mails seem to come from the same school of spamming.
From: isaac566@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
To: blender_contest@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Subject: Sfvq Nqwh27 come on over and see what you can save on these crtdrdgs
Olyd Yqvbpckicha Msun48 4135055118863864 35601 XGFXWHLJCYLTHCKWMWR
[a-c.GIF]
not at this time --off please 4Q01D4T7aAxlBnQXrt vefuewkvgreusgqmecophvnoaq lisnoqtgemecnbbmsjk
not at this time-- thanks anyway
Or the slightly more succinct
From: girly@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
To: blender_contest@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Subject: jrphx Spvb ARe they charging at your establishment 7970zzPQ1-904dCyJ50-18
lsjiu 3814367 [l] cyu k87cmu
dvdehtjhgheylpsalorevsklcktnijes yfwwmdjcqusjemphmylqsgukityefe
5218hUl6
You know, I'm pretty used to spams having random characters in their subject line, presumably so they can track who responds to their awesome offers.
But what I find so admirable about these spams is that they seem to have taken that concept to a whole new level, instead replacing their entire spiel with monkey-type.
I don't know, maybe somebody tracked down these particular spammers, found out where they lived, broke into their house and started to beat them up mid-spam, and I was lucky enough to get the result.
Brings whole new meaning to "not at this time, off please" doesn't it? I doubt I could be so noble while someone (justifiably) beat the living tar out of me.
From: jjwbAlysa (ajnancey89@[xxxxxxxx.xxx])
To: You@[xxxxxxxx.xxx]
Subject: I have a crush on you. wmx
This is our second attempt at contacting you.
We have been hired to contact you
because someone you know is interested in you.
Please follow the link below to find out who.
http://fff49857548.com/mwc19/
No more email here http://fff49857548.com/nomore.php
kpueuglctgwvmsfstiexovergj
When you first read this one, you might think "oh, well, they don't speak English. That 'kpueuglctgwvmsfstiexovergj' part gives it away, right? I mean, that's not English, is it? We never learned that in our vocubulary lessons."
But what you failed to notice is that a decent chunk of the e-mail is in perfect English. In fact, the only thing that's weird about this e-mail is the names used.
To a super-sleuth like yours truly, this is a dead giveaway that this spam comes from space aliens. Aliens are always fastidious in learning the details of the language of the people they're infiltrating.
But they always screw up in one subtle way, and here, it is obvious that that way was in skipping the lesson on "choosing good American names".
So when you meet a guy who tells you his name is "fff49857548", it's probably best to call the Department of Homeland Security.
Incidentally, this is how we find most of the terrorists hanging out in the United States. I mean, if your neighbor claims his name is "Majid Al-Ghaslan", well, that's not an American name, is it? So off to the military brig with him to face charges at some unspecified time!
My bad, this wasn't supposed to be a political entry.