Math parties

By Todd Stadler · Thursday, March 3, 2005 6:50pm

The other day Julia was talking to a girl from church who's in high school. The girl was complaining about things in school at the end of the semester.

Julia, a high school teacher, was interested in how other schools operate, and asked the girl for specifics of what was annoying her. The girl replied with a roll of the eyes, "Well, for instance, tomorrow we're having a math party."

While school parties can indeed be quite lame, Julia was surprised at how annoyed the girl was at this event ? she wasn't normally one to complain that things weren't cool enough. "That doesn't sound so bad," said Julia.

"I don't think you understand," said the girl, "What they call 'math parties' are actually tests ? they call them parties because they think it's fun for us to be able to demonstrate our math competence."

Well, Julia couldn't help but agree that that was pretty lame.

But I for one welcome this newspeak trend in our schools. What better way for our children to learn that "black" is often white, "up" is often down, and "saving Social Security" is actually a plan to divert funds to a eugenics program that will create a so-called master race?

I look forward to more children talking about, for instance, "donating an organ" when they have to get their appendix removed, or "encouraging life" when they have a bacterial infection. It's the dawning of a beautiful new day.