Musings on internet search and happiness

By Todd Stadler · Friday, February 10, 2006 12:25am

I bet that for people who work at Google, with the power of that, um, powerful search engine literally at their command, they don't send e-mails to their coworkers anymore.

They just leave notes on random Web pages, like some old, abandoned Geocities.com site, saying, "Hey Ralph, do you want to go to Quizno's for lunch?"

And given Google's power, Ralph just somehow knows that his coworker has left that message on that site, because he can just, you know, find it.

And then they go out to lunch, but later Ralph gets angry because he also found all those not-so-nice things that his coworker left on some older, abandoneder Angelfire.com site. That's the problem with working at Google — you know what everyone is saying about you.

I think that's why President Bush is so irritable these days. He was happy when he lived in his bubble and everyone told him he was, like, the greatest president since Calvin Coolidge and he dreamed of one day actually punching Fidel Castro in the face with his bare hands.

But then he started listening in on everyone's phone conversations, and while most of what he heard was really, really inane — I mean, you wouldn't believe how much people, including known Al-Qaeda terrorists go on and on about how annoying the people at their workplaces are! — a lot of what he heard hurt his feelings. Like this one guy who said he thought he could probably beat up Bush pretty easy. And another guy who said Bush probably wasn't in his list of the top twenty-three presidents of the 20th century.

That's the problem with being able to hear everyone talking — you hear people talking bad about you. And it's not like you can tell those people to shut up, because you only have the ability to listen in on everyone talking. You can't interrupt everyone's conversation. That's the problem with limited power. So I understand why Bush needs more power.

Anyhow, my point is, since the fourth amendment is now, officially, like, gay, I was just wondering if whatever NSA agent happens to be reading this could maybe just let some of my friends know what's up in my life these days. I mean, I haven't been very good about keeping in touch, and I don't know if anyone reads this blog anymore, given how infrequently I post. And since my taxes pay your salary and all, the least you could do is just drop my friends a note — you know who they are — and let them know I'm okay. And that I'm going to write that thank-you note real soon now. Thanks.