Bumper stickers: a rebuttal
By Todd Stadler · Saturday, April 15, 2006 2:34pm
I know I have a hang-up about bumper stickers, but so it goes.
The other day I saw a bumper sticker, riffing off the always inspirational "D.A.R.E. to resist drugs and whatnot" workhorse. It said "D.A.R.E. to think for yourself".
I'd like to imagine somebody, perhaps a timid, balding fellow, viewing that bumper sticker, firmly stomping his foot down, and saying, "That bumper sticker is right! From this day forward, I will think for myself! ... Unless, that is, some different bumper sticker tells me not to."
It's a simple irony, to be sure, but nonetheless one that seems to have been missed by the people who purchase such bumper stickers and display them (in an apparently stick-it-to-The-Man fashion) for all to see.
And now, a short play about a slightly different bumper sticker:
John: Rawr! Authority sucks! I hate authority! I reject it!
Joan: John, what's wrong with you? You used to be so by-the-book! Why, you used to revere authority!
John: Well, I was in a novelty store and I saw this bumper sticker that told me to "question authority", and I listened to what that bumper sticker had to say. In fact, I bought it and have affixed it to my car here. No more will I allow anyone or anything to tell me what to think!
Joan: [Hastily scribbles the word "Don't" at the beginning of the bumper sticker]
John: Sigh. My mutiny has passed.
See, clever bumper stickers? That's what I think of you — you are nothing compared to my clever fake-and-oddly-short-play-writing skills!
Although I will grant bumper stickers the upper hand on this one thing: more people will see them than will read this entry. Sigh. My mutiny has passed.
1 comment so far
1 Apr 16 '06 4:55pm:
peta replied:
"hey todd
i think the whole bumper sticker phenomenon is fascinating and, as with you, wrong. take for example, the "i brake for no apparent reason" bumpersticker. it gives the impression that the driver has an attitude taken on by reading another bumpersticker that tell them to have their own free will.
i believe bumperstickers should serve instead as a warning. especially in the case of drivers like my mother. i always thought the "i brake for no apparent reason" sticker should be a mandatory condition of her being allowed on the roads. yesterday, whilst white-knuckle-passengering (in a 4wd (not a tahoe)) with her, i realised it should say:
I BRAKE FOR REASONS ONLY APPARENT TO MYSELF. I ALSO DRIVE WITH ARMS LOCKED STRAIGHT AT THE ELBOW - EVEN WHEN TURNING CORNERS AND LACK THE ABILITY TO MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT WHICH LANE I SHOULD BE IN WHILST DRIVING. I KNOW YOU ARE THERE BUT I CANT CARE AND DRIVE AT THE SAME TIME
my only saviour was my 6yr old who at one point during the hell-ride said "grandma, why isnt mummy driving?"
why cant bumperstickers be used to create more understanding instead of worlwide chaos........
;p
"