Analysis of a political analysis

By Todd Stadler · Saturday, May 6, 2006 8:54am

So there I was, right, enjoying my Saturday morning like we all do by reading a political analysis piece on CNN.com. Ah, Saturday mornings are meant for such wonkery!

Anyhow, it was a fairly pointless, if schadenfreudially enjoyable bit about how Bush's poll numbers keep falling (and let me just say how shocked — shocked! — I am that two-thirds of America hates this country and the leader that unites us all; that's unpatriotic!).

But in the end it was the end of the analysis that caught my eye:

Every White House loves to argue that its best weapon is the president, connecting directly with the people, and this White House has been relentless in the belief that when the president goes to the country, surrounded by respectful, if not admiring citizens, with the slogan of the day emblazoned in the background, it will be politically effective. But at least for the moment, such tactics appear to be as effective as the repeated effort of a computer user to hit the "enter" or "escape" button when the machine freezes up.

"Wha?" my mouth said, involuntarily. I sat there for a second. Was that really how the article concluded?

Fortunately, I know the password to the CNN.com server (hint: it rhymes with "MiberalLedia"), so I hacked in to see if I could find out what was up with the story. Sure enough, I found that the end of the piece had been chopped off.

So here's the complete last paragraph for all you out there who were waiting for it:

Every White House loves to argue that its best weapon is the president, connecting directly with the people, and this White House has been relentless in the belief that when the president goes to the country, surrounded by respectful, if not admiring citizens, with the slogan of the day emblazoned in the background, it will be politically effective. But at least for the moment, such tactics appear to be as effective as the repeated effort of a computer user to hit the "enter" or "escape" button when the machine freezes up. You know what I'm talking about — when, say, you're writing a truly incisive political analysis article that will really stick it to those conservative suck-ups over at Fox, and you're just about done with it, when all of a sudden the computer stops responding, and you're like, "Wait! I hadn't saved it yet!" and then you get really scared, because your deadline is in, like, fifteen minutes, and so you gather your wits and calmly press the "escape" key, hoping to "escape" from this nightmare, only IT DOESN'T WORK and everything is still screwed up, and so, thinking quickly, you tell the computer that you want to "enter" an alternate reality where you did save your article before it froze, but pressing the "enter" button DOESN'T WORK, EITHER, so you try the "escape" key again because you know that's the correct key sequence to use in such situations but it CONTINUALLY FAILS TO WORK and there's probably no point in pressing the "home" key at this point because it probably won't do what it's supposed to either, and so you take your monitor over to the scanner to try and capture as much of the text on the screen as possible, but for some reason THAT DOESN'T WORK and the scanner DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN "ESCAPE" BUTTON and then you cry all over your nice Oxford cloth shirt and wonder why you ever had to use computers in the first place because you're too old for this crap, and with ten minutes left you try to write the article over again from what you can remember, but you're too upset to really finish the piece as well as the first one ended and Oh why did the computer have to freeze up and you just don't care anymore and your metaphor well has run dry? Well that's how Bush's presidency is.

But for some reason, the Web server at CNN.com had cut off those last two sentences. Huh.