Todd Stadler on language

By Todd Stadler · Thursday, January 4, 2007 9:39pm

If, like me, you are a casual observer of the popular culture, then you will have no doubt heard many a sassy teen utter the phrase, "Oh no you didn't!"

Of course, if you are a keen observer of said matters, you likely noticed this many years ago and think I am "not with it" or a "square dude".

Regardless, the point is that, even for cultural neanderthals like myself, the "no you didn't" meme has run its course and is very, very tired.

And yet, I concede the point that fresh-faced (and "fresh") young people need some way to convey their disbelief whilst snapping their fingers in a zig-zag motion. Not merely content to complain about the problem, I herewith offer my royalty-free alternatives to this trite phrase:

• Oh that thing was likely not done by you!
• Oh I believe that is actually not true!
• Oh you were not the agent for the referred-to object!
• Oh I find it quite dubious that events transpired in the manner described!
• Oh I'm incredulous as to the veracity of your having done that!
• Oh the sentence describing that action did not have you as its subject!
• Oh I believe that your version of events typifies the literary device known as the "unfaithful narrator"!
• Oh, in the aforementioned scenario, pronouns for which you were the antecedent were not in the nominative case!