A frank discussion of online encyclopedias

By Todd Stadler · Monday, September 17, 2007 5:33pm

So in the middle of writing the previous screed, I naturally went to Wikipedia to look up what the name Carl's Jr. actually means.

(In the future, our children will ask us, "How did you resolve disputes before Wikipedia?" And I will tell them that we used to beat each other senseless. Usually with heavy volumes of the Encyclopædia Brittanica — our rage being fueled in part by that pompous "ae" ligature, of course, but mostly by the fact that we could not edit said encyclopedia. Of course, I occasionally tried to edit my parents' copy of the 'pædia, but when my dad found out, he got angry. He also questioned my sourcing on the entry on "Stadler, Todd" that he found inserted in the "Sla–Stu" volume. "I don't remember your coronation," he said. Whatever.)

It turns out, according to Wikipedia, that the truth about Carl's Jr.'s name — other than that it makes phrases like the foregoing one burdensome to the grammatically conscious — is that the restaurants were "so named because they were a smaller version of [Carl Karcher's] drive-in restaurant."

This is, you will agree, really boring.

Moreover, it is quite likely wrong, reflective more of Wikipedia's liberal, anti-American bias than of the truth. So naturally, I turned to Conservapedia to learn the true facts on Carl's Jr.

For those of you too busy hugging trees to be familiar with Conservapedia, it is, according to its main page, "A Conservative encyclopedia you can trust. The truth shall set you free." (The latter sentence, taken from the eighth chapter of the Gospel of John, is included because there is nothing more conservative than conflating Jesus' exhortation to follow his teaching — and thereby be freed from sin — with the desire to enforce a particular political worldview on the facts as you state them.)

So, according to Conservapedia, what did "Carl's Jr." really mean, in a way unbiased by liberal ivory-tower fat-cat-trial-lawyer academicians and the criminals for whose hearts they bleed?

It turns out that conservatives don't have a lot to say on the matter. Sometimes a restaurant's awkward name is just an awkward name. And yes, I'm looking at you, Ruth's Chris.

But while refusing to free me from the lack of truth surrounding Carl's Jr., Conservapedia did helpfully ask if perhaps I was looking for information on Joseph McCarthy, who "became the most visible public figure to stand up to Communist infiltration of the United States government."

Freed by this truth, I then hopped over to the Conservapedia article on Hitler to see if it mentioned how he "became the most visible public figure to stand up to Jewish infiltration of Europe". No such luck. But, you know, Conservapedia is publicly editable, so only time will tell.

Look, here's my point: Conservapedia is actually less an encyclopedia than a collection of articles of import to conservatives, with the remaining content reading like articles written by teenagers for their geography projects.

(No, really — according to the Toronto Star, "The site was born with the help of a large group of home-schooled teenagers Schlafly assembles near his home in northern New Jersey to teach such topics as world history and economics." Also, see this bit of Conservapedia "homework".)

As an example, consider the Conservapedia entry for Whitewater (in case it changes, this is the version I'm referring to). It contains 525 words, of which 519 (98.9%, but who's counting?) are direct quotes from articles found at the History Channel's Web site. That's some good sleuthing.

But then, Whitewater isn't a topic of concern to many conservatives. "Oh, those were the bygone Clinton years! Let's move on and not dwell on the 90s, right?" Ahem.

No, to really get a sense of how the truth will set you free, you need to look up a true cultural touchstone like Los Angeles.

Now, Wikipedia's article on Los Angeles goes on for over 9,000 words, sprinkled liberally (aha!) with facts, such as the city's official name, El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de Porciúncula, or The Village of Our Lady, the Queen of the Angels of the Pork Uncola. Er, more or less.

Allow me to digress for a moment to once again complain about Spain's American place-namer. He really didn't bring his A game — I mean, how embarrassed do you think he is at having put the word "Village" in the name of what is now the United States' second-largest city? And do you know why it belongs to the United States now? Because we have the efficiency to refer to it as "L.A." — a savings of 97% over the Spanish name, identifying in two letters what it took him to express a definite article. To say nothing of his once again using another town's name in his town-naming. And where is Porcupinola? About 4 kilometers from Assisi. What was this man's obsession with Assisi?

Okay, I feel better now.

My point is that the Conservapedia entry for "Los Angeles" has notably fewer than 9,000 words. Specifically, 8,729 fewer. And for those arguing for "quality over quantity", may I submit as my counterpoint the penultimate paragraph from said article (exactly as it was presented):

Many people from all over the world live in LA, and as a result there are restaurants from well over 300 nations there. The weather is excellent all year around, which is why the movie business moved there - the light is excellent for 'shooting' for over 300 days a year. The Mayor of LA is Antonio Villaraigosa.

Okay then. But maybe — just maybe — it's not the whole of L.A. that conservatives truly despise, just Hollywood. As such, the Conservapedia entry for "Hollywood" should be the one stuffed to the gills with right-leaning (that is to say, unbiased) facts. Right? Well, here's their Hollywood article, in its entirety:

Hollywood is a neighborhood located in the city of Los Angeles, California. As a lexical entry, it refers to the movie studios once located in the district, and more generally, to the motion picture business. It is a synonym encompassing all the definitions of 'glamour', 'beauty', 'fame', 'sex', and 'power' in a shallow way.

See also: Three Stooges, Salma Hayek, Marilyn Monroe

I. Rest. My. Case!

... Er, whatever my case was.