the cult of personal audi

By Todd Stadler · Thursday, February 22, 2001 8:59pm

Colin and I went to Pizza Schmizza for lunch the other day. He drove his Audi S4. I wouldn't normally mention his car, except that it's what this story is all about. See, before he had this car, Colin had a crappy old Toyota like mine (more crappy from being old than from being a Toyota). Which was fine. I guess cars have never meant much to me - I try to drive mine as little as possible. And as much as I've tagged my car with little signs that it belongs to me (bumper sticker, vinyl numbers on windows, large number of legless chirping dogs along windshield), I can't say I have that much invested in it.

So along comes Colin's new S4. My first thought was "Audi? What's so great about Audis?" Well, Colin proceeded to tell me over the next few months. He became a total car nut. He knew the differences between every type of car that Audi made, and started commenting more on cars we saw on the road - how powerful they were or weren't, and how lame their owners were or weren't for having done various things to their cars. It was all very entertaining, but in the way that the guy talking to himself in the bus station is entertaining - he's clearly in another world, seeing things you're not.

So I suppose it was no surprise when we pulled up to Schmizza that Colin noticed the S4 parked in front and wondered whose it was. Colin seems to know every S4 owner in Hillsboro, if not greater Portland. I mean, this is the guy who, when I walk into his office, is looking at audiworld.com half the time, looking at pictures of cars that people have posted, and chatting with local owners.

But I think I decided it was all too much when he saw some guy inside Schmizza and said hello to him, recognizing him as a fellow S4 owner. He told me that all the S4 owners meet from time to time and go out for rides, or maybe just meet for dinner. I told him that was weird, asking him if he realized that. He didn't.

I tried to express how weird it was to me that people were bonding over some commercial product that they had purchased. Sure, it was a particularly expensive and well-made product, but it was still something you buy, not a common personality trait or belief, or even really an activity. At least for me. I don't go driving for pleasure - I avoid that at all costs. I'd much rather ride shotgun on a road trip. Or take the train. Colin goes for rides out in the country on a regular basis. So maybe it is an activity for him.

But it's not like I get together with all the Kodak digital camera owners. Or the O'Reilly book fan club. Or whatever other fine products I own. But then, in America, perhaps the car really does define who you are, to some people. I don't know. I like Colin, but I still think he's weird.