Stealing from Facebook to pay Blog

By Todd Stadler · Friday, January 30, 2009 12:29am

I find that, when you haven't written on your blog in three weeks, there is literally no better way to start things back up again than with an awkward title for your new blog post — the proverbial round pun in a square metaphor.

And if that doesn't do it, then maybe an introductory paragraph that reflects on the title of the entry that contains it.

Or perhaps an ever-degenerating series of "meta" body paragraphs that refer to nothing except how the foregoing bits refer to nothing terribly much.

Yes, all these things are key to winning new readers, no doubt. And by "new", I refer to anyone who is reading this right now — given how long it's been since I've written, you're practically new to this blog.

"But Todd," no one in particular asks, "while all this ouroboric snake-gazing-at-its-own-navel drivel is fine, what of the latest trends — 'memes', if you will? Can you tie these two concepts together, perhaps while recycling content in an attempt to buy some time before the inevitable, metaphorical foreclosure on your blog by the bank of popular opinion?"

I can, and I will, brave anonymous interrogator, even if I reject your metaphorical construct — if anything, this blog is merely executing a short sale, as it were.

But, as you requested, pasted below is a copy of my "25 things" list as posted originally on Facebook, where people are literally dying to jump on the bandwagon of telling the world (defined as those college-educated, middle-class folks under 40 who spend too much time on the computer, a.k.a. everyone who matters, am I right?) 25 things about themselves, in keeping with the Internet motto of "Go ahead and post it — I'm sure no one from work will find it."

Okay, fine, they're not literally dying, you pedant, but I'm sure that several people, after reading my list, at least felt a little bit uncomfortable. Let's see if you're one of them:

1. I'd like to pretend that I'm too demure to talk about myself. And yet. In fact, this point actually lets you know that I'd like you to think quite highly of myself, while deep down I do nothing of the sort. It's not like I'm crying myself to sleep in a baggy Cure t-shirt or anything, I just know how much I fail to live up to my own ideals.
2. But I love external validation. You have no idea. When I get approving comments on my blog (or in response to an email, or whatever), I get so giddy that I go back and read what I wrote the first time that caused someone to say something nice about it. This reminds me that ...
3. I can be a bit egotistical. In spite of #1. I know. I'm a gallimaufry of thoughts. Which might lead you to observe that ...
4. I like obscure words. Except when other people use them in such a way that it's clear I'm also supposed to know what they mean, and I don't. Or when I find out that I haven't really used a fancy word properly. I don't like that very much.
5. Before I moved it to the more sensible (and largely more memorable, for those for whom it matters) ToddStadler.com, my main Web domain used to be Cockahoop.com (it's still there, though it redirects), based on my love for that relatively archaic word (look it up yourself), which I would use as a shibboleth (if you will) when I was dictionary shopping. Yes, the move was based, in part, on a need to evade poor content filters, both in software and people's heads. Let the reader understand. [Yes, this totally creates a meta-reference loop, which may cause ruptures in space-time. Caveat lector. — Ed.]
6. I'm not very good about editing myself. Actually, that's not true. I frequently edit my blog posts in multiple passes, and some emails — and diaryesque Facebook "note" postings — get nearly as much editing. It's just that I don't know how to shorten my communication. I'm, you know, prolix. Perhaps because, deep down, I think I'm kind of a clever writer. I blame this largely on #2 and #3.
7. I compare myself to other people too much in a competitive sort of way. This was a great source of angst back in my 20s, when everyone else seemed to be doing something amazing at every turn — "Wait, I want to be in a band! ... I want to hike that difficult mountain! ... I want to make art!". My friends are still amazing now that we're in our 30s, but they seem to be more focused on raising families and being nice people, which is something I'm not as competitive about.
8. I don't get nearly as much done in life as I wished I did. I get too easily distracted?
9. I deal with all these personal problems, in part, through my faith, which tells me, quite simply, that I am forgiven for Jesus' sake, and not because I work really hard or am a good person or whatever (cf. #1–9). This is a great comfort to me.
10. In spite of #9, I rarely mention my faith to other people, even those close to me (although I have been known to sneak little hints into corners of online brain-dumps). I often have no idea what they think about what I believe.
11. Worried that this has become overly maudlin or "emo", I will now tell you the completely emotionally-unburdened fact that I have memorized several dozen digits of pi. As high as 120 digits when I was really trying (really, I was actually trying), although I can probably do no more than 50 at this point — the set I memorized in Algebra when I was bored.
12. I also have a weak, if consistent connection in my mind between letters/numbers and colors. ("Synesthesia" is the term for this, though that encompasses much more interesting cases than mine.) This causes me to have mild emotional reactions to the thoughts of certain words or numbers. "Todd" sort of resembles the Irish flag, though in a more garish, creamy sort of way (Sorry Ireland! Sorry Todd!). My phone number, on the other hand, is a pleasing collection of primary yellow, green, blue, and red, like a child's toy.
13. In spite of the fact that I haven't played my drums in two years, I very much still consider myself a drummer. In part because there's never a time when you can't percuss on something. This recent spate of not-drumming has something to do with neighbor troubles and a small house. And probably inertia (cf. #8).
14. I write marketing copy for several emails a month for a gardening publishing company, in spite of the fact that I have pretty much no gardening knowledge or experience (the same could be said for my marketing experience, honestly). I have, however, managed to work in allusions to Alice Cooper, the presidential election, the Gutenberg Bible, and Guns 'n' Roses' "November Rain". Write what you know, they say.
15. My current job ("Web manager" is the title, whatever that means) stems more from what I did in college when I wasn't studying than what I was supposed to be studying.
16. And what I was doing in college at one point was mangling Twinkies in vaguely scientific ways and making a Web site about it: TwinkiesProject.com. That site has brought me more fame — most of it several years past now — than anything else I am likely to do, including the apparently ultimate end of all fame: appearing on TV. About which ...
17. I was on MTV's Big Urban Myth (which as far as I know or care went off the air soon after my episode aired) as a "Twinkies Scientist" or "Expert" or something similarly silly. Still, I got to stay in Seattle on MTV's dime (okay, technically, the production company's) to film the episode. I learned a fair amount about TV production from that trip, almost none of it positive. For example: my bit was filmed inside the camera crew's tiny hotel room, jerry-rigged to look like a studio. We had to stop filming whenever the maids' vacuuming got too loud.
18. I also had someone send me a wheel of Maytag blue cheese, just because of the Twinkies site. It was quite tasty, although I recently found the last, lonely wedge of it in my fridge, years after the fact. Sorry, random Internet benefactor, but I had to toss it out.
19. I have often surrounded myself (or, rather, been surrounded) by amazing groups of friends, at least since high school. And yet, as I have moved on, I've had a hard time keeping in touch with the old group(s) at a level that expresses my love for them. This makes me sad, but it seems realistic. Oops, got emotional again.
20. I love to sing (though I naturally worry that everyone secretly thinks I'm terrible at it — see one of those earlier points I can't be bothered to scroll to right now), and I especially love to harmonize, even and especially on songs that don't have an actual harmony line. I learned to harmonize reading the alto line from the church hymnal to my mom's strong soprano, and even though I'm a tenor, my self-composed harmonies tend to reflect this, I'm told.
21. I have a collection of well over a hundred song snippets or ideas that I recorded a few years back, and which I still would secretly like to make into full-fledged songs. Not including the various recordings I've left for myself (and largely forgotten about) on mini-tape-recorders, old answering machines, voice mail, and transcribed (often poorly) onto some scrap of paper, just so I could stop thinking about the tune running through my head without fear of losing it forever. Ha.
22. I like beer quite a bit, and I'd step over my own mother just to get one. It's one of the few foods or drinks I've gotten pretty nerdy (read: "snobby") about. I especially like our hoppy, flavorful Northwest beers.
23. As to the first sentence of #22, I'm prone to dropping Simpsons references (e.g. "load-bearing poster") into my speech unannounced, to likely only my amusement. It's one of the few TV shows I've watched a great deal of, though I stopped watching it years ago.
24. I love to travel, although for various reasons (which, surprisingly, I won't actually list here), I have tended to limit my travel abroad to Western and Central Europe. I have yet to visit a place that wasn't worth visiting, though there were a few places I probably wouldn't return to. I sometimes wish I'd traveled more to other continents, but I can't tell if this is because of what I want, or because I don't want to be judged by all the great people I know who've traveled to those places. Uh-oh, that sounds dangerously frank again.
25. This list wasn't as funny as I'd hoped it might be when I sat down to write it. If I were to type this list on a different day, it may well have contained a completely different 25 points, so don't consider this list definitive by any means.

Well, that should take care of things on this blog for a month or so. Until then, I'm: incredibly lazy.