Dairy product humor

By Todd Stadler · Monday, March 30, 2009 8:29am

We were driving to an infant CPR class yesterday morning, but I hadn't gotten up early enough to eat breakfast at home, so I had a yogurt cup with me in the car.

I was able to take bites whenever I was stopped at a red light, and I became fairly proud of my ability to eke as much yogurt enjoyment out of every stop as possible, timing it so that I put down the cup just as the light turned green.

Justifiably, I thought to myself, "If I were a Native American, they'd call me Well-Timed Yogurt Cup User."

But then I realized, no, that's thinking too humbly. If I were in Victorian England, I'd be Baron Yoghurt-Cupp. I'd introduce myself to some lady (perhaps even a Lady) wearing some oversized doily and say, "Hello, I'm Baron Yoghurt-Cupp."

And, obviously slightly taken aback (but trying to hide it, according to the mores of the day), she'd say, "Oh, what an interesting name. C-U-P-P?"

To which I'd reply, "Not if I close the door! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Oh my, how I'd laugh inappropriately loudly and lengthily. Stupid Victorians.