Holy days, and how we celebrate them

By Todd Stadler · Tuesday, April 7, 2009 7:45am

And now, today's completely original (as far as I could be bothered to determine by sharing it with a few coworkers, all of whom appeared to think that I was the first person to say such a thing to them) thought from me: American holidays, what's up with them, am I right?

To unpack that thought, I've noticed that American holidays tend to fall into two categories, which I will crudely dub "native" and "foreign". And, I will claim, the native holidays tend to revolve around eating too much, whereas the foreign holidays are exclusively for drinking too much.

What am I talking about? Well, there's Thanksgiving. Which is almost entirely about overeating, combined with a light sprinkling of dubious history. And Halloween, which is about eating waaay too much candy, though there are a few rituals you have to endure before you can justify your gluttony.

Most of the native holidays are like that, putting on some song and dance so you don't notice all the eating. Fourth of July? Sure, there's fireworks, but don't tell me it's not about the cookout. All summer holidays are about the cookout. Most people don't even have a vague idea what Labor Day or Memorial Day are supposed to be except as proper bookends to the cookout season, marked by sales and, well, eating lots of black-striped food.

But the foreign holidays! If a particular day or time of year is associated with a culture other than America's, it's all about the drinking.

St. Patrick's Day? I'm Irish(ish), gimme a beer. If it'll encourage the cultural distinction, make it green. And gimme another one, for good, um, Irish measure.

Cinco de Mayo? I have no idea what we're celebrating here (hint: it isn't Mexico's independence day, people), but gimme a tequila. Or at least a lousy Mexican beer. Olé.

Mardi Gras? Admittedly, Americans can't bring themselves to associate with the French directly (in spite of the holiday's name), so they glom onto some French culture by way of Louisiana by way of the Canadian Maritime provinces. And celebrate it, naturally, with excessive drinking to the degree that many people forget how their shirts work.

Oh, and Oktoberfest? Despite the confusion about the month in which it should be celebrated, there is no confusion about whether it involves drinking copious amounts of beer. It does. The purists can drink too much actual German beer, though as long as you're having a sausage with your Bud Light (or three), it's all good.

The question this all raises is: what does this say about America? Is it, as my coworker Dorothy wondered, evidence of a still-seething Puritanical ethic? Is drinking too much something only those unwashed immigrating masses do, but I can be excused just this once (twice, or several times a year) for getting blotto in the name of learning about other cultures?

I have no idea. But now I'm hungry for some German sausage.